Its official.....

I am now HUGE! There will be no pictures from me...of me...or around me....I'm hiding out! Hybernating might be the right word! I have 2 and a half days left before the bambino arrives.....I am finishing up loose ends and finishing up the bad food I will no longer have a reason (or maybe an excuse) to eat!
Today I ate waffles smoothered in peanut butter and syrup.....but atleast they were organic, right!? McDonalds #10 with a diet Coke and sweet and sour sauce for lunch. Snacks were Girl Scout Thin Mint and Samoa cookies. And I will finish off the evening with my healthy turkey chili...but it WILL be covered in shredded cheddar cheese! I would like to think that starting tomorrow morning I will be eating a nutritious and well balanced diet. Lets cross our fingers......
Oh wait...there is left over green bean casserole made by my fabulous cousin (you know who you are) fried onions and cheese on top of creamy green beans....YES PLEASE! And you know what else!?!? Homemade chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream icing in the back of the fridge! Honestly its the best cake that I have EVER made! That can definitly NOT go to waste.....okay today might have to go out with a bang! And a few extra TUMS...but I think it will be worth it! CHEERS to the baby for giving me a reason NOT to feel guilty!

1 week left......

I tell you what. Do I like being pregnant!? Sometimes.

Its awesome in the summer because you don't have any body issues....it's like" yeah, I'm fat so what! Pass the chips and guac..."! But I am now entering my last week of this pregnancy...all I can say is Oh My.....there is a reason that my first came early....God knew there could be a chance of me never having another...

I will say that I feel bad saying this. I'm having a very successful pregnancy....I started sleeping well, my skin cleared up, I've only gained 29lbs.....BUT the turkey is cooked....I'm DONE!! I cant explain it unless you've been there but I tell you....I WANT MY BODY BACK!!

I have this "alien" (even though she'll be my pretty princess once shes out) inside that is moving organs like you would move a heavy piece of furniture! Kicking my bladder (I now pee 6 times a night from 11:00 to 7:30am) she shoves herself in my tummy causing heartburn that feels its from the depths of hell. And my personal favorite....face fat. This little one has made me lose my appetite. So WHY....really WHY does my face keep getting bigger?! Gross!

So anyhoo.....I'm being very nice about all of this in case once day she comes across her crazy mothers old blog....which will probably have the same value as a cassette player...but oh well! To my last week! My it end quickly so I can start complaining about sleepless nights, sore monster boobies and green poop!

So.....if you have never been to my house you may have hundreds...even thousands of questions that are going thru your mind as you look at these pictures. Nope these aren't some cute little baby boutique find or cuddly puppy pictures! THIS is Michelle...and she has been a member of our family since 2006.

Here we go...my hubbie has always had a strong desire for finding his "cheers" you know...where everyone knows you name... Well....no matter where we have lived he has looked and found his "hot spot". When we lived in the Northern Virginia area he and his co workers (well one imparticular) found a quaint little pub with great food and beverages.....also known as HOOTERS. Most wives...I would not be so sure if they were as cool as I was about it. Actually no....I wasnt cool about it. BUT when I got pregnant with Gavin their crab legs and wings made it all ok for this little preggo mama! That was it....with my approval the tradition was made. Almost every weekend we would make it to the local HOOTERS. I got so into it that I would call all the other wives and set it up myself! Am I the BEST or what!

So some how or other Michelle was given to Kyle as a birthday gift. She sat proudly on our computer desk in our HOME office! The best memory was my mother coming out for a visit, probably to see her new baby grandson. Went to check her emails, placed her hand on the mouse and said, "Oh...well thats....interesting!?!" But she couldn't deny that Michelle had some lovely and very comfortable attributes....really your wrist always felt so warm and cozy!

The other day I noticed it.....Michelles perfect implant had burst. And even though I knew it was way past her time to leave (when your 2 year old starts cupping them, I knew we might have just given our son a boob fetish) it made me sad.....it was another chapter of our lives ending. We hadn't been to a HOOTERS since the move, and with kids running around...rude and crude mouse pad people were NOT the kind of parents we wanted to be. So this is my farewell....my tribute to Michelle. Thank you for reminding us that we once had some fun in our lives...and dont worry. We will be back!

The Nesting has began....

As we all know I am in LOVE with lists....big lists, small lists, lists on a post-it, planner, or even a used envelope! LOVE THEM! So when I was reading up in my What to Expect When Your Expecting...I learned that lists are an intricate part of Nesting before the baby arrives!

"Awesome" I say to myself! Well maybe not soo awesome.....

I went a little off the wall... my list consisted of things like putting new batteries in the baby's hand me down toys (which she wont use for 6 months) making sure she had stylish winter boots (even though she wont walk for another year) finishing every aspect of her room, vacuuming out my car (I would hate for her to think her mom is a slob!)and finishing up cleaning the house from top to bottom (my lazy ass hired someone! ha!:) sterilizing bottle nipples and pacifiers, packing a diaper bag, my hospital bag, my boobie pump, getting and wrapping a present for big brother from little sis, and my favorite....buying new bright and colorful granny panties for after the surgery! How long did it take me to do this stuff you ask!? Well let me remind you this was not the full list, only a small portion. But I would have to say 3 days total! I was on a mission and my Sharpie marker in a shade of purple was locked and loaded!

So now that the nesting seems done...I'm now working on pampering MYSELF.....pedicures and massages here I come! So anyhoo... 19 days and counting.....do you think I'll be prepared!?! Ha!

Oops.....

So I KNEW that it had been awhile since my last entry...but when I realized it had been a month! "Oops!" Is all I can say. First it started with some writers block, followed by some hormonal pity party stuff, then busy with a 3rd birthday bash, and finished off by all of my boys being sick! Bleh! So bare with me PLEASE! This week I am going to catch you up!

Dirty but I HAD too...

If the man in your life is ANYTHING like mine....then you understand the childish and perverted behavior that may or may not come out of their mouths at any given time. Now that has been said.....

This morning, as like most mornings my hubbie and son were wrestling, giving high fives, and telling knock knock jokes. I know that I could have been elsewhere doing something more important but I decided to stay. It IS pretty funny. This morning was no exception.

The hub and kid were playing...."Give me five...up high...down low...cut the pickle...tickle tickle"...Does this sound familiar. Now what is usually NOT said in that game is my husband saying under his breath, "mommy likes daddys BIG pickle....." I then roll my eyes, and before anything else can be said. A little scratchy voice blurts out, "mommy likes my LITTLE pickle....oh yeah she LOVES pickles!" from the almost 3 year old! Oh My Lord.....

Thank God....I truly have a love for dill kosher pickle...and I am still praying THATS what he was referring too! If not, then hubbie and I have a lot more to talk about!

Happy Monday!

before I forget.....

Happy 1st Birthday Moe!


Moe's Birthday cupcake!

First off let me say.....those of you who REALLY know me will understand why it took me 2 months to blog about the celebration of my puppys 1 year anniversary as a Schmidt. Those of you who don't. Spend a day with me at my house with the dog and you will quickly see the love/hate relationship I have with him.

Now don't think I'm some evil person, even though I truly have my days. I'm just not an ANIMAL person. I think its in my blood, passed down thru generations. For as large as my extended family is...not many of us even HAVE pets! Nor does anyone feel like their life is incomplete without one. So that means your probably wondering why I even got a pet in the first place (trust me, so do I!) Well I guess I have to say my answer is this. I want to stop the cycle. Man that sounds like were some alcoholic, obusive, wackadoo family. Well, cut out the obusive part and the statement could be a bit more accurate!

Anyhoo, I'm getting honest....I had a tremendous FEAR of dogs as a child. Let me put it to you this way. When I was in kindergarten I got my first dog. I named her Kelsey. She was a cute and innocent little black and white mut of a puppy. She was an outside dog...never allowed in the house. Now imagine this......it was before my parents had an attached garage. I begged, pleaded and cried for my parents to carry me whenever I was outside. Literally everytime I was outside I either needed to be held or they had to lock up the dog in the garage. Jami and Kelsey were like oil and vinegar! We never mixed. To help you understand the seriousness of being held. Once I was in my dads arms (and remember I was almost 6) I would climb his body like a spider monkey so that so she couldn't even reach my shoes.....thats how scared I was...well..and how short my dad was. But whatever, you work with what you got! ha!

I used to ride home from school on the bus. It was my moms duty every afternoon to hold the dog while I walked from the bus to the house. That way I wouldn't look like a fool to all of my friends....God knows I couldn't show my face once the word was out that I was a crazy who was dealthy afraid of her little puppy! Well.....mom was vaccuming, bus came early, and then it happened. I got off the bus to be surprised by my little excited and "ferocious" (don't forget that part) puppy kelsey. She started to jump all over me with love and joy because her little friend (aka me) was home from school. My angle.....the ferocious beast of a dog started to attack me as I stepped off of the bus. So I took my little strawberry shortcake backpack and beat the dog as hard and as many times as I could. Screaming with all my might trying desperatly to save my life that was quickly flashing before my eyes....then to my rescue was my mother. But I'm pretty sure at the time I yelled at her for slacking on her doggie patrol duties and probably did a good job of making her feel like dirt....yeah....that sounds more like me! So to make the story short....well first off.... I LIVED! Praise Jesus! But then the next day the busdriver pulled me aside and asked what had happened. He felt terrible that some strange dog was attacking me, he almost turned the bus around to help, until he saw my mother....but then I HAD to fess up and say, "no sir, that was my dog" HOW PATHETIC!!! I hope your atleast getting a good laugh out of this!

Okay....so back to stopping the cycle. My son LOVES his dog...hopefully baby girl will too. Me on the other hand will always think he stinks, licks too much and barks too often. And truthfully this is all so that I don't have to get too close! :) No...I'm not scared of him....but I just can't explain it! But for now I will still continue to spoil him with material things like holistic food, specialty toys, trips to the doggie spa and birthday parties. And this is just me trying to overcompensate for not being a loving enough mother! I only have so much I can give.......

So to another year of Moe! Just be thankful you aren't Kelsey!

bring on the CAKE (and eye cream)

Today I am officially older......not old....but UNDENIABLY older. I woke up this morning, TIRED....not because I was up all night from some crazy wild early twenty shananigans....but from cramps, heartburn and gas from my second pregnancy. It made me sad, almost depressed. I was even CONSIDERING taking my birthday money from my parents to go buy a new breast pump! What was happening to me! A Medella over a hot new pair of brown leather boots!?! It's because I'm OOLLLDDDD!!!!!

All my single and fabulous friends have been calling to inquire, "what are you doing tonight!? How are you celebrating!?" Well let me tell you..... coffee with fat FILLED creamer, hanging new curtins in the nursery, making chilli for the week, getting fun FaceBook birthday messages, opening a gift certificate for spa treatments from the hubbie (that you better BELIEVE will be used on an anti-aging facial!) and CAKE lots of CAKE!!!!

And this morning my reaction to this would have been the same as my single in the city friends, "Oh......ummm thats nice...." but now that my day is almost to an end.....honestly, I'm realizing that I feel pretty damn lucky. Actually excited! I might even throw in an Arbonne detox bath and perfect the day! I'm thrilled to make it to the....ummm.... big 28!

So what if this birthday isn't one for the books.... it was a great day. Different the the typical party girl celebration....but atleast it was spent with the people that I care the most about and the pajamas that I love! So screw what I thought the day "should" be and toast to what it was! To yet another year.....may it be filled with happiness, health, eye cream and CAKE!!

tractors and robes don't mix

I never would have imagined that a part of my life would revolve around a good ole John Deere! For the past few months I have been busy planning a blowout John Deere Bash for the Gav-man's 3rd birthday! Cookies, cakes, pinatas, and my favorite John Deere beer! Lets just say...you should pray that you get an invitation! Ha! (or maybe not!)
Too add to the explosion of JD tracors in my life....my son is also placing his tractors, gators and books strategically around the house. "they're farming" he says....."dont move them". Well how could I disrupt his creativity. I've been move relaxed then usual about the toy pickup....he is just too damn cute to crack the whip on this. Until now...
Tuesday morning, imagine this.......a pregnant lady in a fluffy white robe...underneath commando, a bare newly pedicured foot, and a child begging that I put on his favorite (get ready for the surprise) John Deere movie (yes, they have those...thank you aunt Debbie)
As I say "Sure...no problem!" As I reach for the remote my left foot hits the little green tractor that resembles a roller skate......which then turns INTO a roller skate!
Preggo goes down..... HARD....and the robe flaps open which then means.... NAKED. Twice in a month I have offically scared my child! Not too shabby! Needless to say, the tractors no longer "farm" in the living room! Andmommy hasn't put the robe back on in fear that I might get into more trouble!:)

My day so far.....

From the outside the life of a housewife always seems Fabulous....maybe even magical. Spending the day with sweet and innocent children as we go to play dates at the park, library story times, and restful naptimes. Well it DOESN'T work that way.....actually no...sometimes it does....but I would say 1 day a month MAYBE goes like that! Today is not that day!

First off....I dont get any sleep with this pregnacy...not sure why!? But I'm dealing with it! Add on a 2:00am wakeup call to a tearful little boy who was scared of his room! Honestly it broke my heart.....he hugged us and BEGGED for us to not make him sleep in his room! But for fear of starting a bad trend my hubbie and I walked him back in and got him settled. An hour later he fell asleep.

The good part...or so I thought.... was that the little man was sleeping in. I thought what a perfect time for a little mommy/daddy shut the door time....sorry mom if your reading this!:) So now let your imagination go......and imagine that we forget to actually SHUT the door....and then lets imagine that there in the hallway was a wide eyed and speechless little boy.....he barely could sputter the words, "daddy, WHAT are you DOING!?" I could have DIED! My first thought we have permantly damaged our child! He will never recover! Then the hubbie came up with a tickle monster excuse, which luckily did the trick, and the fact that I was now laughing hysterically made it all more true!:) But it DOES remind me of sneaking around the parents....but I think its more sad when your sneaking around your children! Anyhoo!

After some much needed coffee...I dealt with the normal breakfast for kid and pet...made lunch for the hubbie, cleaned, computer time, and list making for the day! (but I do love that part!) Then my perfect little dog...yeah right...decided that HE was a little boy. When he doesnt get what he wants...his new thing! He throws a TANTRUM...can you believe it!?! He sits right in front of you and BARKS his head off. He's been a real keeper today, scratching the kid, attacking pillows, and getting into the smelliest stuff! This preggo lady is ready to barf at any minute! And lose her mind.........

So what do I do....put the kid down for his nap, put the dog down for his nap (I'm very serious about that one) had some lunch and now catching up on my much needed blog and FB time! It rejuvenates me! My stradegy for getting thru the afternoon! I'm baking cookies....I can bribe the kid to stay good if he knows he'll get cookie dough at the end of the day! I tell him I'll make cookies after your nap, which then turns to after you clean up your room, which turns into if you play quietly in your room, which then turns into if you eat your dinner! Yes I know I'm a genius....and that I might have a fat kid later in life....but right now this cookie dough is what is going to make the rest of my day that MAGICAL experiance that everyone WITHOUT kids thinks that I'm having! So cheers to a little refined sugar! ha!

Giving a Shout Out!

August 27, 2005 was the day that I married my BFF. 4 years of marriage, a kid and a half, a horrible real estate market, a big move, and destructive dog later.....we still got it! As of this moment....what would I say is the key to a happy marriage!? DATE NIGHT.....quiet time, a little booze, interesting conversation....and maybe a locked bedroom door at the end! (well.....not really maybe!) Here is to another year! Can't wait to see what unfolds!

Break'n out....

The hubbie just started a new work schedule that will allow him to be home weekends AND 2 days off during the week! All I can say is "SWEEEEET"! I am taking this as a blessing, especially with baby number 2 quickly approaching. Sleepless nights and green poop here we come!

To celebrate our family's new routine I am trying to make these days off as "perfect days" for us. Like today...the weather couldn't be more beautiful. So we are going to get out there and enjoy it! Since my last entry I have been really thinking about what DOES make me happy.....and as I have said before.....little things. So today...the hubbie is picking us up our favorite coffees from down the street, then off to Good Will to donate some unused goodies, then to the recycling station (Go Green!) book store to get something new, then some playtime at the park, and then my favorite.... pool time.....end the day with a nap and a relaxing evening at home. Which of coarse will be filled with cooking dinner on the grill, watering the flowers and playing with John Deere tractors.

Doesn't sound like much. But actually this day could NEVER sound better. I want to be thankful for what I have...not dwell on the negative. Like I have said before...I dont have my shit together. But that doesn't mean that there aren't things in my life that are going pretty freak'n awesome! So....yes....I'm thankful for those small little things that can turn my day around. Time to enjoy it!

Trying to be honest.......

I survived the week without Gavin and I have to say...... Being without my "meaning in life" has opened a window to what I need to deal with. I have many MANY issues that I didn't even realize that I have ever had. I had time to actually think about my life and how it has and IS changing. To be in your familiar "safe zone" with something major missing. It just gets your mind rolling. I came to the fact that I am a stay at home mom...I love it but I live for my family and not myself. I also realized that I keep my house clean because I'm scared of what someone might think more then my supposed love for cleaning. And I have no real friends in this new location I call home (actually I have one...Emmie I know your reading this but you don't really count cause your family)....all of my true girlfriends are far and away. The distance makes the heart grow founder but can also make the relationship itself weaker. AND to top it off....I have found that I miss alcohol way too much. But I do say this with a smile. I mean come on....it's only 3 more months. But its like I can't be or have fun without it. I know in my heart that its not true...but it sure feels true.

I also always thought that the more people you surround yourself with meant that you never had to feel sad and alone. This is not true.

I guess what I am saying is that I am normal... Meaning I don't have my shit together, even though I try to pretend. Does anyone really have it all together!? I would love to talk to someone who thinks they do...I used to be that person. But I'm not sure why...actually I do. Because for whatever reason I have people tell me that all of the time. I've heard it so much that it MUST be true. But sadly it's not. But what determines the standard that makes you think, "man she really has it together!" ?????

Now could this all be caused by the hormones?!?...sure...but I like to think that this is all COMING OUT because of the hormones. You can't try to improve yourself until you have determined the problem. And some of the most ridiculous people in my life never think that anything is THEIR fault, they are ALWAYS right, EVERYOONE ELSE is to blame. I never want to be that person. But is blogging about bits and pieces of my near to depression going to help!? Who knows, but it can only make me a better person....right!?

Okay....I'm being THAT mom.....

I am a lady who LOVES to travel. And my love of travel is so important to me (and the hubbie) that no matter what, we put the seperation anxiety with the kid aside. We feel that it is EXTREMLY important for each of us and our relationship. I have never once regreted leaving my child with a babysitter or grandparent for an extended amount of time. Because in the end.... I KNOW it will make me a better mother, wife and PERSON. And it does the same for our kids. They know that mom and dad , "love me enough that they WILL come back and get me (eventually)" and it helps them to become more independant and a well rounded person in society. Those are MY beliefs and I know not all mothers feel that way.

I have friends that have NEVER left their children. I understand, but I don't agree. BUT I will say this......it has been 20 hours since I left my little guy back at the grandparents. I am sitting at MY home at MY computer with MY dog and MY son is not here! This is WEIRD!!!!! Normally I have warm sun on a sandy beach, or a glass of wine with a beautiful view, or even swanky hotel room in the heart of a city to keep my mind occupied. But the truth is this....right now my little man should be asking for his second snack, Noggin on in the background and a poopy diaper should be approaching shortly! And its not......

But what I will say is this. I have a feeling that my house will be spotless, ALL the laundry will be done, I will have blogged (check) craft projects will be finished, the errands will be done and I will (amazing) have showered and probably shaved, by the time my hubbie comes home at 5:00 for a home cooked meal! So feel free to check in on me becasue I feel I may lose my mind!

Gavin come home tomorrow!!!!!

I have to VENT.......

I just want all my lady friends to know.......wax your face. I know it can hurt, it can cost a little extra cash, and its sometimes hard to fit into a busy schedule. BUT COME ON!!!!! Its something that needs to be done. Like brushing your teeth or clipping your toe nails. And I don't care how pretty you think you may be. If you have a mustache....no one can see your real beauty because we are sidetracked by the fuzz on your face! The reason some women age beautifully?......they keep up with the maintenance. So call your esthetician before the weekend. You'll thank me!

Happy Little Trees

This week my job was to paint a simple tree in my soon to be daughters bedroom. I thought... no problem.....I'm an artsie kind of girl. I will bring out my skills from all of my past art classes, make Mrs. Wolf proud (my favorite art teacher)....this will be cake! Well maybe not yummy cake, but burnt with too much baking soda kind of cake! Ha!

Lets just say things weren't going as planned, and I was dreading this process.....then by day 3 I had a thought. I'm not sure if any of you have read, "The Last Lecture" by the late Randy Pausch. (Awesome book by the way....get out there and read it. You'll never be the same!) In his book he talks about wanting to paint his room as a child...and finally one year to his disbelief his mom said yes. So he paints....an elevator door, pandoras box, and other goofy stuff. He recalls it being one of his best childhood memories.

I had never done anything like that before! But I too....always wanted to tear down my pale blue wallpaper with the pink hearts and bows.....and paint my room red...with a big, fat, pink pig! No joke....if you knew me back then, this would make sense to you!

So anyway....I started to think....this is my chance. This isn't a chore. This is some fun shit, pardon my french...but it is! I am living out one of my childhood dreams of painting my room while I paint my daughters childhood room! All of a sudden the trees got easy, relaxing, and FUN! And guess what....they are DONE!!! I hope you enjoy them as much as I do! Cheers to "happy little trees!!!"

P.S. I dedicate these happy little trees to Randy Pausch and one of my favorite men....Bob Ross!

This pregnacy has not been bad....but hasn't been great either. But with me at 23 weeks as we speak I have realized how I can make it more enjoyable! Thru much trial and error I have found that if you go on with your normal everyday life just as you did before...the symptoms go away!

Okay not for everyone....but think about it! Complaining brings the problems to the surface. I mean are my boobies getting huge, YES do they have yucky veins going thru them like a cows utter, YES. Do I get so bloated at night that I have to get on my hands and knees just to roll over in bed, YES. Do I have pains from my old c-section that feel like your ripping in half that NO ONE told me about.....YES And is constipation painful enough that you find yourself praying to Jesus...HELL YES! But why complain, it doesn't get you anywhere.

So today I have a great friend with me, a sunny morning, and a big cup of coffee. The bloating has calmed and I look like a normal almost 6 months along preggo and fabulous lady! Sans the hives I might add! Hallejuah! Life is good!

What I find is that the people who complain truely have NOTHING to complain about....but the ones who do!?!?! never let it in their vocabulary! Have a great weekend!:)

To be a Dinosaur Bodyguard....

Wednesday July 15th, 2009 the day we learned that this little monster in my belly is a baby GIRL! Go figure....ladies always know how to get people to notice them. And if its by giving your mother teenage acne and a case of serious Hives....so be it! Let the mother and daughter relationship begin!

My hubbie has ALWAYS said that he wants all boys. With a boy you only have to worry about your son's penis....with a girl, you have to worry about every elses penis! Sick I know, but sadly so true! He also was worried about the money she was going to strip him of, and will she be exactly like her mother (but not in the GOOD way), and the wiping from front to back freaks him out to no end! But to much of my surprise the moment the Xray tech said girl....you could almost see his heart melt. Little does he know it, but she is already working on getting wrapped around that finger....

As for me. I am SUPER excited! I come from a family of 3 brothers...then having Gavin, the hubbie and Moe (who is also a boy) I am ready for that extra estrogen! My thoughts of this little pink bundle of joy are that I hope she will be a nice person, confident, funny, smart, athletic, with MY eyes, great hair, straight teeth, daddys temperment, and her own sense of style. What more could you ask for in the coolest girl in the world!

As for her BIG brother......ummmm...is he excited!?! Not so much.
"Gavin are you so excited to have a baby SISTER!?"
"No"
"Why not!?"
"I want a BOY!!!"
"Why!?"
"Caaaauuuuusssse"(he likes to exaggerate the cause)
"But did you know that if you have a sister you need to grow EXTRA big and strong to protect her from icky, ugly, no good boys.....You have to be her bodyguard and watch after her...."
All of a sudden the little 2 year old looks up at me! His brown eyes grow larger and full of excitment as he says...
"Like a DINOSAUR???"
All I can think is....WHAT!!!!
"Umm.....sure....."
Seriously holding back laughter from this comment was harder then usual. I have NO IDEA where in the HELL he came up with that. But who cares.... it worked. Were on day 3 and we haven't had a "I want a boy" tantrum since.

Gavin is now officially known as the "Dinosaur Bodyguard" and he wouldn't have it any other way!

So as I have said before....I am organized. Procrastination in not in MY vocabulary. Actually, now I'm lying. The unpregnant, not dealing with a two year old, working professional Jami would NOT have ever excepted the THOUGHT of procrastinating....this new version of me. Whatever......

Anyhoo we are going on a weekend trip to Ohio for a birthday party. Yes....we ARE that nice! The roadtrip begins in 2 weeks......I finally remembered that Moe the Mut is going to need a place to stay. So what do I do....I make a list of all the things that needed to be done today....one of which....call the "Pet Resort" yes...you have read me clearly, my doggie is one spoiled pup! I have the phone up to my ear, my navy colored Sharpie in my hand waiting with anticipation to cross this off of my list!

"ummm......mam..(which I want to yell MISS!!!) we are completly booked that entire weekend. Would you like to be put on our waiting list!?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Why did I wait until the last minute! NOW I can't cross it off my list, I have to find a backup RESORT, and I am so annoyed that I can't even function. What do I do!? Do I go play with my son....spend time with the dog......go about my chores for the day!?
No....I sit here with a chocolate chip cookie in my hand and BLOG!!! Happy Manic Monday everyone!

Its official....I'm pregnant!

So I am EXACTLY 20 weeks today.....so half way! Actually.....I'm one of those special gals that gets to be chopped in half to retrieve my little bambino. Which means.....I can pick my date....which means....I won't put myself thru 40 weeks of this itchy bloatedness....which means.... Hallelujah!!! I'm past the half way point!

So far I've been lucky. No....I'm definatly not glowing unless you consider shiney, red, inflamed bumps, glowing! But I HAVE managed to keep my weight under control....yeah amazing to me too! Each time I go into the doctors office I slip off my shoes and take deep breathes to buy MORE time so I can prolong that damn scale....(dramatic I know!) But to my surprise the past 4 visits. I have been losing weight! WHAT!?! I guess its called eating healthy and exercising....who would have thought! Anyhoo....the nurses keep saying things like, "Ummm......It's kinda time that you started to gain some weight" (secretly I love it when they say this)

But I think that ship has just left the port. The time is now. I know cravings and/or aversions are common in EVERY pregnancy. Do I LOVE a mustard potato salad a bit more these days....YES......Do I think about the Arby's medium Roast beef with a side of their special BBQ sauce everytime I drive by....YES....have I lost the desire to drink my favorite cheap bottle of Pinot Noir......very sadly YES. But this is the norm...nothing crazy.

Until now....the scale better start running...I have officially crossed the border in more ways then one. It happened with Gavin and now again with this bun in my oven! SEVERE....and I mean ravenous cravings for MEXICAN. Spicy, cheesey, guacamole filled beef things with a bit of heaven on the side. When done right it can be truely orgasmic.....REALLY. So I am calling it now, baby number two's first hormonal, side splinting, on the verge of tears, begging for the hubbie to go after hours, don't care where you find it craving! CHIPOTLE....a burrito bowl with Barbecola, lettuce, key lime rice, pinto beans, roasted corn salsa, sour cream and extra guacamole!! I ate it ALL while giving Gavin his night time bath....now I bet THAT was a sight!

But I have to say the quote for the evening came from my beloved husband who looked down at me on the white tiles of our bathroom floor as I washed a toddlers hair while wiping guac from my chin........ "Damn, you are so pregnant!"

Bored Out of My Mind Bread

Well its been almost 5 days since the start of my hellish incident with "the Hives". And since going outside on these beautiful days has been out of the question.....what else is there to do then BAKE. Here is a yummy recipe for those of you with gardens or like me, have neighbors with gardens that bring you a lovely abundance of veggies that you don't know what the hell to do with!

Zucchini Bread

3 1/4cups of Flour

1 1/2 tsps Kosher Salt

1 tsp ground Nutmeg

2 tsps Baking Soda

1 tsp Ground Cinnamon

3 cups of Sugar

1 cup veggie Oil

4 beaten Eggs

2/3 cups of Water

2 1/2 cups of Zucchini

1 tsp of Vanilla extract

2 cups of Chocolate Chips

Preheat oven to 350.....Mix all dry ingrediets plus chocolate chips in a bowl. Using a mixure combine all wet ingredients. Once combined add dry mix slowly. Do not over beat. Divide into 2 greased loaf pans and bake for 60mins...or until done! Enjoy! Cause its YUMMY!

Keeping it interesting...

Here I am.......it's 9:00 and the kid and dog are FINALLY off to bed. Its completly quiet except for the air conditioner running. I sit at our desk in front of the computer. In my line of vision are presciptions, doctors appointment cards, Arbonne products that need mailed out (sorry ladies if your waiting) and a mostly empty bottle of calamine lotion!

Today was a rough one.....the only blessing was that the hubbie got to stay home from work to help handle the MESS we call our life!

Here is goes......for the past few days I have been slowly turning into a medical mystery. I woke one night with uber swollen, itchy, and pressure filled hands....I refer to them as my MAN HANDS. Sadly they werent just man hands they were 6 foot 7 and FAT man hands! Isn't that a lovely picture! Since then I have developed swollen feet, joint pain, chest pain, and my personal favorite....HIVES. Not just a wee little rash....a complete infestation of them covering the bottoms of me feet to the tippity top of my scalp! Doesn't that sound yummy!? and enjoyable!? After some steriods and some Benadryl.....I am exactly in the same place I was before. Irritable and Itchie!

My hubbie on the otherhand...he learned a bit more about a stay at home mom! His morning began at 5:00 when he had to run to the pharmacy to get me ANYTHING that could make my pain go away, after that he made a wonderful breakfast that no one ate, bandaged our lawn guy after an incident with a pointy tree branch! But first let me say... Backyardigans band-aids are a little bit of MAGIC! Then the hubbie did the lunch thing, listened to me moan and groan, dealt with the dogs usual destruction, and put the kid down for a nap. Then like a truely awesome man he lathered his wife down with calamine lotion before placing socks on her hands and feet and forced HER to take a nap. Which I thoroughly enjoyed as much as you could....given the pain, fever and all!

Then he learned about NAP TIME....from now on I don't think he will ever call during this time of heaven again! He understands the meaning of TiVo, a couch and QUIET!

The rest of the day was about the same....I lounged, talked on the phone...while he watered flowers, took out the trash, gave the dog a bath, and then.........it happened.......

The perfect father, husband, and friend did what every woman does atleast once a week. He hit the breaking point, lets just say "the shit hit the fan"....or maybe just the dining room rug. Our favorite dog, who has been accident free for months, took a big, huge, wet CRAP on the nice freshly cleaned carpet.

And that was it...if you have been in this situation there are no need for words!

"Screw the dog.....this sucks. You take care of this. I'm going upstairs to take a shower!!!"

And there he went, yup, I bet I looked pretty damn pathetic with my hives scrubbing a rug on my hands and knees. But I tell you this....something about making someone see YOUR side of the story can make all those itchies go away! And now he officially had a true day in the life of a housewife!

And P.S. I WILL be reminding him of this day the next time he comes home from work and asks, "why are YOU so moody!?"

After a VERY long day being all alone with my son and Moe the mut........I turned on my sons favorite movie, put the dog outside, and poured myslef a large glass of ice water. (Praying THIS would be the time Jesus assended apon me and turned it into WINE!) I then tried to relax by turning on my computer and entering my social outlet of FaceBook. While chatting with a long lost friend I get interupted.....

"Mommy......I poop on my leg"
"Excuse me!?!"
"I poop on my leg"
"Did the dog take a crap in the house?! Where were you sitting!? Let me see you leg!!"
As I checked out his little 2 year old calf I notice sadly...this is NOT dog poop. But I wonder.......
"How did this get on your leg?!"
"I don't know!?!" As he says these words he lifts his arms up in question as I then make my discovery.....
"GAVIN LOUIS.......WHY IS THERE POOP IN YOUR HAND?!?!?!?!"
"I don't know!?"

Lesson for the day......teach children that poop is not a toy. What the hell am I saying. The lesson is that life is CRAZY and moms only get to relax when we are all ALONE (preferably with wine or cake!)

Everyone is a little wackadoo.....WHO CARES!!!

I am in LOVE with organization.....I've been making lists since I was a kid. One of my absolute favorite things to do.....hold your laughter for a later time please....Is to first make a list. Then as I accomplish each item on my list, I get to cross it off with a cheerful, bright and colorful Sharpie marker! No other brand...has to be a Sharpie. I have 3 mason jars filled with every color you can imagine! Why a mason jar.....because on a daily or sometimes hourly basis I can look at a mini rainbow with all of their bright colors and it makes me happy!

Our dog has his own room, yes he shares it with the recycling, but he has his own shelf with his own things that are neatly labeled with the word MOE and followed by a paw print drawn on by yours truely with what else....a Sharpie!:)

My garden.....organized. The veggies themselves are in neat rows with cute little labels! I have my tools, watering cans, notes on plants.......all in the same convinient area to my little baby garden. I even have shoes.....these are my gardening shoes. Serious! They sit quietly by the back door and remind me to check on my little veggie creation! They are a bright coral color and aren't THAT cute for everyday life....but for gardening they are FABULOUS! And guess what...they make me happy! These things probably...actually I'm sure.... sound crazy to most of you! Shouldn't we all have something a bit on the odd side that makes life fun!?!

The point of all of this.....1.) I'm a bit of a wackadoo 2.) Who cares what other people think...be proud of the person that you are. 3.) Do what makes YOU happy!

And now I'm going to give you the quote of the day.....brace yourselves.....from one of my hubbies favorite movies Van Wilder....."you can't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive!" Right!?!

Good morning sunshine.....

The morning chores are over.....it's a cloudy and dreary Friday and I'm working on getting the day started. The kid and the dog are happily wrestling on the living room rug. Screams of delight are mixed with screams of "No MoeMoe","Get off MoeMoe", and then "Come here MoeMoe".
But then comes the dreaded silence. To someone who is NOT a parent you would think that silence is a blessing.....they have obviously never heard the phrase, "the calm before the storm".

In comes my son.... with one giant tear and one giant scratch, centimeters from his right eye. The dog follows looking as if he KNOWS he is in trouble! The dog, trying to make up for his mistake, starts licking my kid like he's some ginormous lollipop that you would get on the boardwalks of Atlantic City!

I started yelling at the dog to "get off of him" and I pull the kid up on my lap to safety.

Then to much surprise I noticed......a damp tushed, completely naked from the waist down, little boy with the largest grin I have ever seen, that says to me so sweetly, "go potty!?" (let your imagination run WILD!)




Good Morning! Your day has now Officially started!

My favorite Lunch of the week...

So I'm a chubbie girl to start and NOW being knocked up I am doing everything in my power to not become OBESE! I found this salad in my FAVORITE cookbook, Barefoot Contessa Family Style by Ina Garten. Its a recipe for a simple and delicious salad for my fellow foodies out there. Here it goes.....

ARUGULA WITH PARMESAN

(this serves 6, but I make the dressing in advance and use it as I make an individual salad)

1/2 pound fresh arugula

Lemon Vinaigrette

1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice (2 lemons)

1/2 good olive oil

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1/4 pound chunk of very good parmesan cheese

Toss dressing into prepared arugula and place on individual plates. Then with a sharp knife or peeler shave Parmesan into large shards and place them on arugula!

How easy is that! So yummy after a hot morning outside with the bambinos! FABULOUS! You can pair it with almost anything or eat it by itself with a glass of VINO or if you were me have an iced H2O! Enjoy!

Game on...

My son......there are so many things to say I could never decide where to start!

Well how about at the top.....of his head I mean. Gavin Louis was born with some ridiculously bad hair ( I can say that, I'm a professional) The rascally head of hair was passed down from his FATHER's side! (I'm not claiming it) It was stick straight, lifeless, and THIN.......

The most annoying thing about it...as a stylist to the stars...I was full of shame. It seemed as if it couldn't be fixed. I have a shaved head of a husband and now a precious baby boy who will HAVE to shave his head to hide the mess that I couldn't fix! People (aka my father-in-law) would always say..."Isn't this your job?! To fix things like this!?" I could have stangled him for saying that which he said quite often. But he was right! I should be able to fix this! It made me feel like a failure....my career might as well end! I obviously have lost my talent. Nevermind my high end clients in the city, the fashion shows, training at the Vidal Sassoon Academy. It was all worthless......my son was to have permanant bedhead! And it is ALL my fault.

But then......out of the blue I noticed something! NEW GROWTH!!!! Do you know what this means!?! His hair is getting thicker!!!!! Praise Jesus! My prayers were being answered! But then....more hair grew in....and more hair! Until.....guess what!?!?!?! He wasn't born with fathers hair........it was MY head of hair, which is NOT fabulous by any way, shape or form, BUT its better then his fathers!

So to my fellow friends and family. I wish to show you photos from Gavin's first REAL fashion forward haircut! I can even put product in it!

May he be blessed with many more years of great hair! Well until his fathers side DOES kick in and he loses it all by the age of 25! Until then....Cheers!

Funk remover....

There are days......days that things don't go as you would expect.....or nasty negative people get in your way.....or something bad actually happens......Okay I'm not a Downer Debbie. My point is, you have to figure a way to get out of your funk...normally I would open my favorite bottle of VINO or possibly pop a presciption drug.....but since being preggers, people tend to frown upon that.....SO.....I turn to music. Luckily my Rock Star of a child LOVES it when I blast my favorie tunes and we sing and dance with our air guitars!

I have found my "tune" for the year! Especially with the times that many people are going through I feel like it could help anyone....PLUS it has special meaning to me as it is from my first trip to Broadway......has anyone heard of a little musical called......RENT!?!

I urge you to check it out, your Ipods will thank you...and maybe YOU could have the glass of VINO for me...and just sit back, listen and take in the words of Mimi!

Another Day

(Rent Motion Picture Soundtrack)

The heart may freeze or it can burn

The pain will ease if I can learn

there is no future, there is no past

I live this moment as my last

Theres only us, theres only this

forget regret or life is yours to miss

no other road, no other way

NO DAY BUT TODAY

Theres only us, only tonight

we must let go to know whats right

no other coarse, no other way

NO DAY BUT TODAY

I CAN'T CONTROL my DESTINY

I TRUST my SOUL

MY ONLY GOAL IS JUST TO BE.....

Theres only now, theres only here

begin to look or live in fear

no other path, no other way

NO DAY BUT TODAY

See my little cutie pie.......this is Moe. He came into our lives last summer when we moved to the St. Louis area. We realized we were ready for this. We have a house here, a fenced in yard, and a little boy who would LOVE to have his first family pet. We thought that the timing couldn't be better.

We drove out to the sticks of Missouri to find our little "cockapoo". The reason for the long road trip!?! My cheap husband who refused to pay full price for a "high end" breed of dog. Well.......

When they say you get what you pay for....we did. As Moe has grown we have found that he is NOT a sweet little cockapoo....he is a (let me see if I get this right) part Poodle, King Charles Spaniel, Cocker Spaniel, and a bit of Golden Retreiver....aka a MUT!!!!!

Along with the Moe the Mut title....we have found that our little 20lbs of pride and joy also enjoys eating and SWALLOWING beer cans, birds, mice, outdoor extension cords, metal john deere tractors, and lastly and most recent......cute little pink and pearl blackberry cell phones.......I have said this before. If you need to get ahold of me please don't try that number......who knows what will happen!

It will be a year this month. That Moe has been a member of this family. And I will force myself to throw a mini family party for the precious and annoying pup of mine! Maybe a party hat, maybe a doggie treat, a few photos. And then we will toast to the next year of his life....because I swear this dog will NEVER die.....

(But seriously....the dog IS a member of our family, and he brings the chaos that I always desire (I'm a bit crazy I know) he is loving, and freak'n cute! But I can honestly say this now......."He is the LAST Dog I will EVER own!")

Coffee (one of my first posts, but has earned the right for a come back)

When.....did this black muck that used to remind me of liquid tar become my favorite tasty treat!

When I brought to life a little boy named Gavin....THAT is the precise moment! I could never touch the stuff before....I always feared it would destroy my beautiful set of pearly whites that my parents spent so much $$ on! Damage my all natural body, (even though shots of tequilla were acceptable) Or the fear that I would one day be one of "those people" who couldn't start their day without it!

The day has come! I Am An ADDICT! This tasty treat is very understanding to your needs, its almost as if it loves you back......is it hot outside!? put it on ice! had a bad morning!?! slip some baileys in it....the kids will never notice! It is the perfect reason to get friends together......and its the best way to keep a girl regular! What more could I ask for!

So YES......I am officially announcing that I, Jami Nicole am an organic, fair trade, vanilla cafe latte with skim milk ADDICT! And damn proud of it!! I am now raising my mug of yummy goodness and toasting to what helps me wake up to the Fabulous woman that I need to be! Cheers!

What Willy Wonka makes me do....

A side note: Anytime my hub and I watch the original version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory we have wild cravings for candy we ate as kids! Normally I am the expensive dark chocolate type......until the movie comes on! During the commercial we actually went out and purchased Sour Patch Kids...those sour sweet bits of goodness that are covered in sugar!

I fill that it is EXTREMLY important to feed your inner child, that child made you who you are today.......so go out there in get your Everlasting Goobstopper!!!

I am not a genius.......

I have always thought of myself as having more of a street smart attitude..... I could never handle homework (unless it was for art class) the tests, or the study groups. Now, make me do a presentation and I could BS my way through it and get an A...... I wasn't the girl who helped you with your Math homework.....I was the girl that begged to copy it right before class started....I was the girl who faked an illness in college to get an extension on a term paper. By the way, it worked.....See street smarts! Or maybe because the professor was a guy and I was a size 6 with blonde hair and a killer smile.....whatever.

Well anyway the non genius that I am decided to start a blog......I launched it on May 27th, 2009. While working on my next masterpiece I somehow DELETED everything on my page! What an idiot! Again proving that I am NOT a genius!

So if you are a returning fan of True Life of a Housewife.....please don't think that I hated your comments and decided to delete you off of my online world! Just know that.........I am not a genius!