No Biggie....

This is not life changing information...not like I EVER have life changing information...but, here in England when you go to the movie theater.  You walk in just like the states and buy your ticket. Then you smell the warm yumminess of the concession stand.  You walk over and if you are like me I MUST get a fatty buttery popcorn and a cherry pop. (and yes I said Pop, I'm from the mid west) You ask the sweet little teenie bopper behind the counter and she replies, "sweet or salt!?" To which I reply, "Beg your pardon...what are you referring too?" "The popcorn" Yup folks....no butter.  You can have your popcorn with either sugar on top or salt.  I chose salt, which was lovely, but NOT the same.  And as for my soda, pop, whatever.  They only have the basics....no Cherry Pepsi, no Mountain Dew....just Coke, Diet Coke, Fanta and 7 Up....which I went with the 7 Up..I mean come on, who still drinks that in the states!?!? Let me tell you, it deserves a come back! Yum! So there you go...more useless knowledge that I thought I would share! "discuss, discuss"

Well.....

Things are changing.....obviously I moved to another country. Everything is new and different....normally I would say that makes everything BETTER. And actually I DO mean that.  I am just in the mood to complain about the things that bug me...I have the right to do that. Lets not forget I AM an AMERCIAN!!! I feel like singing that song, "I'm proud to be an american...where at least I know I'm free..."
Anyhoo.....
Life here is very similar to the states, just a tad bit harder, more annoying if you will.  I've told you about the washer and "tumble" dryer....did you know that my dishwasher will also need special attention when the time comes.  I have to pour salt in it!?!? WHAT! Its a brand spank'n new modern machine. YUP! Oh...and I forgot to mention that my washer grows mold....I found that out the other day.  About once a month I have to pour this Tilex stuff into the washer and scrub it out. YUCK. So the machine I use to CLEAN things is growing mold and probably putting that mold somewhere on my childrens clothes. THEN lets talk construction.  Over here in England they had a real estate boom like we did. So new pretty homes went up, not as crazy as in the states...but you get my point.  My home is not even 2 years old.  It is beautiful, nice details, stone work, very fashionabley put together.  It has CRACKS! Big ones...it has "puckers" as they call it.  It looks like my ceiling has a slight case of acne.  The boards under my bed need to be renailed down. I may fall thru the floor one day.  The grout around all the tubs has lifted, I can see into the next room (ok, thats a lie, but are you feling me yet!?)...WHAT THE F ! In the states if you are paying what we are paying you would have all of that fixed before you would let someone even look at the place...I guess this stuff isnt important to them.  Let me tell you there are more things...ummm. Like the delivery man.  If you have something delivered to your house by the mail...you HAVE to sign for it.  If you dont or your neighbor wont!?! Kiss it goodbye.  They wont leave it by the door.  They HAVE to hand it to someone...I have no idea where it goes. Probably an office where you would have to pick it up, but seriously!?!? I miss a UPS man where they throw it on your porch as they are turning around walking back to that big brown truck!
Ok...I am feeling better. Basically its annoying. BUT then you have to respect a country where they dont sweat the small stuff.  If your dryer goes out...it doesnt bother them to not have it for 3 weeks. They think outside the box and get it done.  Not sit on the floor in front of it throwing a tantrum because I am over it....(maybe that is where Tilly is getting her tude!) So...moral of the story.  As Americans we are very lucky for a lot of things....even the silly, minuet, speckles of life. So go and thank your Maytag man....your 24 hour Wal-Mart.....and your "pimple free" ceilings!

A tribute to a Fabulous mimi!

As Gavin gets ready to turn 4 years old on the 22nd.  I look at what we have accomplished with him. And for everyone that knows us...the big deal is potty training.  Since we have crossed the big ocean we have had not one...even tiny and insignificant accident. And to celebrate I will tell you a story....a story of a little boy, his love for a shed, and the Fabulousness of Mimi!

The setting.  My parents farm in late August.  The little guy LOVES to go out and check on the machinery like its a pet.  Everyday he begged one of us to take him out there.  This day it was Mimi....

I had told her earlier that afternoon that someone hadn't used the bathroom in a while.  And when its time for a #2...watch out.  So before they head outside she makes him sit on the beloved potty for a while.  He sits, he pees....life is good. (I'm sure you are thinking, I know where shes going with this....ummmm. No you dont!) Mimi as always decides to multitask as she takes him out on his adventure.  Odd things like bringing old corn cobs out to throw in the field...stuff like that.  They head for the field and Gav starts dancing. Mimi, "Gav, do you have to go to the potty!?"  Gav, "Umm. No I just went.  But what if I have to poop!?" Mimi, "Well if that happens I guess you could poop outside!?" Gav, "I dont have to go..."  they proceed to the big shed to check out those tractors. Gav, "Mimi!?! What do I do if I have to poop?!" Mimi, "Gavin if you have to poop then lets go to the house....otherwise you are going to have to poop in this bucket!" (The bucket that had the corn cobs)
Gav, "No.  I cant poop in the bucket! I dont have to poop!" 
Wait for it.....wait for it.....Mimi said it was about 30seconds when...."MIMIIIIIIIII.......I HAVE TO POOP IN THAT BUCKET!!!!!!" So Mimi helped her grandson poop in a tiny little bucket in the middle of a huge shed.  Poor kid was so embarrassed he wouldn't even talk about it.  His only worry, "is papa going to be mad I pooped in his shed?!" Honestly I would have expected my little neat freak to be worried about the lack of toilet paper.  But then I realized, Mimi used a ratted up Kleenex to wipe.  Even as a child she would always have like 5 in her purse or pocket!  I guess those nasty things have saved the day more then once! 

So not much else needs to be said but....CHEERS to Mimi! Cause I guarantee I would have just let him crap his pants!

Give me a break.....

It has come to my attention recently that I am not keeping up with blogging demands. Here is the deal.  I had no idea that people (besides a select few) actually read this crap.  I had no idea that I had been missed.  Well this is what I have to say 1. I am truly sorry 2. Give me a freak'n break! I moved to another country for Christs sake and I'm trying to get adjusted to the chaos that has been thrown my way.  Geezey Petes!

And now....cross your fingers....back to the Blog!:)

The damn laundry...

Something that every desperate housewife hates is laundry.  I can say that because I think I am one of the few that liked doing.....notice the LIKED......in the states we have our fabulous energy star washer and dryers.  They come in all shapes and sizes....you can get one to match you favorite pair of red shoes or your Kitchen Aid mixer.  They have so many setting to choose from you feel like your at a candy store. They can do it all but bake a cake! Who wouldn't have fun...right!?!

Ok.  Now... I know that I have only had experience with one washer and dryer here in the great UK.  But my home here is only 2 years old and all of the appliances are nice and new, so I figure these sub par versions on the American classic are probably their standard.

Now here is my problem....and your British lesson for the day!  They are SMALL.  I'm talking when you throw in a load of whites (for me its my smallest and lightest load) your done.  The contraption is FULL. End of that story....what else can you do.  THEN if you do not pay attention, you will place the setting on "normal wash" or "eco 40" whatever that hell that means. I am not joking once you hit start with said Eco 40 it will take 2 hours and 30mins to WASH! Seriously, the hubbie ran out to another town to run 3 errands and when he walked in the door it had finally starting rinsing! I have learned to use the "mini" setting.  Does this mean that my clothes are not getting as clean!? Who knows! probably! And honestly I dont give a rats ass.  If we spent 150mins a load and we had 4 loads (which is normal).... well you do the math.  I'm too tired from doing laundry!

So basically my day consists of doing a load of laundry everyday so that I never have to pile up and be stuck on a saturday with 8 hours of wash going.  Oh....but wait! I haven't finished.  The DRYER. DmmmDmmmmDmmmmmm.....These dryer are water condensing.  Which means.  It is not hooked up to a pipe line.  Which means...when the dryer is taking out the water from the clothes it doesnt have a pipe to take it to a drain like in the states.  There is a thing called "the condenser" that is in the bottom of the dryer.  This Condenser is a tank with a cap that sits under the drum behind a nice little door.  During the drying the tank gets full. THEN the dryer sings you a song that means go and empty this shit! So you cant just throw stuff in the dryer and go.  Because in between every load it has to be emptied and it wont start up again until you do so. 

Are you starting to under the complexity it takes to live in the UK. Seriously....I wont even go into the phone service.....next time.  Because right now I have to spend my favorite nap time catching up on more LAUNDRY!

I'm BACK......

   and in England!  As I sit to write I check out my surroundings. Alconbury Air Force Base in the temporary housing quarters.  Do you remember those children books about Eloise, I think she lived at the Plaza or something.  Well this chick is living in the equivalent of a Best Western UK style. Its so "fabulous" that when  I tried to upload photos for you to see what I mean the wireless was annoyingly spotty.  The cable has 10 channels..all but 2 are AirForceNetwork which can NOT hold a signal.  The others are British  and not too bad.  At the moment I am snuggled up watching...wait for it...."Law and Order/ UK" Ha!  Its is NOT the same as our American classic, but MAYBE I could get used to it! maybe not.... So now I am going to jot down nonsense that needs to be shared...it has absolutely no point in life just fun "useless knowledge"
Here we go.....did you know?!?!

~Toilet flushers are buttons on the top of the toilet (shall we say the Lou), not a handle on the left side.
~All appliances have a power switch on the wall.  To turn on the oven I have to turn on the wall switch and then turn the oven to the correct temperature.  Same with the dishwasher, toaster, coffee pot.
~Hell... Law and Order/UK :) Strange in itself and missing Mariska!
~The fact that everyone sounds like they are a genius from Oxford....the voice on the man making my Subway sandwich made me believe he could be the next prime minister. "would you like cheese miss?"

~They have playgrounds in the pubs! I mean WHAT!?! Maybe we will never leave!
~If you go to good ole McDonald's (we have a 3year old. Give me a break!) order a Happy Meal and ask for a juice box..Apple!? Fruit Punch!? No...Blackberry Currant. Excuse me? We are Americans, we don't drink no currants...:)
~Another toilet one.  In the words of Gavin, "Man...that hole is WAY BIG!" No clogging that sucker

  As I finish my first week in the United Kingdom...not too bad.  When its not raining (which is rare) it is one of the most beautiful places to be....and when I get out of my fabulous 5 star accommodations I will do my best to post some pictures.  Until then...Cheers!

A new day...

  Its time.....time to announce that after a year of complaints, tears, lost voices and empty bottles of carpet cleaner.....Gavin Louis....my stud muffin of a little nugget is POTTY TRAINED.  Its an ending of an era...a book has closed.  We now have a little boy on our hands.  I can no longer say that I have two in diapers (and thank God for that!)

  Since Gavin is my first, I now sit and wonder what the next "challenge" of parenthood will be.  Will I be ready or will I have to go back to the bottle!?!  All in good time I guess.....

  So now I will be thankful that during this stressful time in my life (the move across the pond)  it will be full of m &m giving, sticker charts, and cute little Buzz Light Year tighty whiteys that make me SMILE.  Life is good!
  

Eat your veggies!

As a stay at home mom...or better yet, a domestic goddess (and yes I DO put that down when I fill out paper work) your life isn't so glamorous.  So when it does come time for fun glamorous things...like weddings, hubbies work events, or hell even a backyard bbq......I have to go all out!  Its like I am making up for the other 6 days of the week where I have no makeup on and I am still wearing my sundress from 3 days prior.

So with this big move I have learned that "summer" in the great UK is "fallish".   It tops off at a high 70 degrees and thats the hottest point.  So NOW I am trying to get all of us new fall clothes and nix the summer stuff...which means I am NOT ALLOWED (hub said that...can you believe I am actually listening) to get a new summer dress for an upcoming wedding this weekend.  The test of a REAL domestic goddess.....WHAT TO WEAR!

So I spent my morning going thru my closet.  Trying things on, mix and matching shoes, scarves, jewelry.  Exhausting. Of coarse I can't do any of this without my little stylist Gav.  He plays the perfect role of "the honest friend" He doesnt know fashion, but he notices when you have back fat.  So I narrow down to my #1 choice, it will do..... and then in the back of my closet.... I saw it...the dress I wore when the hub and I got engaged 6 years ago.  Its black, halter, flattering, and also a size 8.  I KNEW it wasnt going to fit, but I thought lets see if I can magically make a 12 turn into a single digit!

"Oh....Mommy.  You are growing big and strong!  You are too BIG for that dress! You are eating your vegetables and drinking your milk!"

At least my son is proud that his mom could be a line backer....And for the glamorous housewife.....there is always my LASHES!

Quickie

Gav comes to find me in the office..... quite direct (and loud) he states "HEY...you need to make MY LUNCH!.....NOW!"  I say, "Hey... wanna say that again so I can spank you!?" Gav reply's, "Umm...no thank you." as he quickly turns and walks away.

1 point for mommy against the terrible 3's!

Slacker.....

Lately I have been SOOO busy.  I have had more then enough to blog about, but I can't grace you with my stories until I start at the beginning. 

In the month of August this housewife is changing scenery.  I am packing up our belongings and our lives, and the little nuggets and I are following the hub to ENGLAND.  Now I'm pretty sure that everyone reading this is like, "Duh jami...you told us this already"  But I was hoping maybe, just maybe that someone other then my mother and best friends read this blog! Ha! But who am I kidding!

We will be in the UK for at least 3 years, 5 years max.  Basically this is an awesome thing for the hubbie and his career.  But its also a perfect way for us to feel free....ever since this first little Schmidty showed up (SURPRISE) I never felt like we had "closure" to our youth.   We were forced to grow up as much as we could at the time. And YES I do still think of myself as a 17 year old with a family.  Anyhoo, having this last adventure before truly settling down, popping out a few more kids, dealing with PTA,  field trips and living in picture perfect suburbia....this is greatly needed.  This is going to be a fabulous ending to another chapter in my life.  The chapter where I figure out where my life is actually headed.  I know I'm being a bit more "deep" then usual but this is exactly what the hub and I need to do.  Explore the world.....be spontaneous.....find more passion in life. My 20's will be over soon and I want them to go out with a bang....and they will!  And I hope you will follow me as I make my mark on the world! Ha!  Here we go!