Give me a break.....

It has come to my attention recently that I am not keeping up with blogging demands. Here is the deal.  I had no idea that people (besides a select few) actually read this crap.  I had no idea that I had been missed.  Well this is what I have to say 1. I am truly sorry 2. Give me a freak'n break! I moved to another country for Christs sake and I'm trying to get adjusted to the chaos that has been thrown my way.  Geezey Petes!

And now....cross your fingers....back to the Blog!:)

The damn laundry...

Something that every desperate housewife hates is laundry.  I can say that because I think I am one of the few that liked doing.....notice the LIKED......in the states we have our fabulous energy star washer and dryers.  They come in all shapes and sizes....you can get one to match you favorite pair of red shoes or your Kitchen Aid mixer.  They have so many setting to choose from you feel like your at a candy store. They can do it all but bake a cake! Who wouldn't have fun...right!?!

Ok.  Now... I know that I have only had experience with one washer and dryer here in the great UK.  But my home here is only 2 years old and all of the appliances are nice and new, so I figure these sub par versions on the American classic are probably their standard.

Now here is my problem....and your British lesson for the day!  They are SMALL.  I'm talking when you throw in a load of whites (for me its my smallest and lightest load) your done.  The contraption is FULL. End of that story....what else can you do.  THEN if you do not pay attention, you will place the setting on "normal wash" or "eco 40" whatever that hell that means. I am not joking once you hit start with said Eco 40 it will take 2 hours and 30mins to WASH! Seriously, the hubbie ran out to another town to run 3 errands and when he walked in the door it had finally starting rinsing! I have learned to use the "mini" setting.  Does this mean that my clothes are not getting as clean!? Who knows! probably! And honestly I dont give a rats ass.  If we spent 150mins a load and we had 4 loads (which is normal).... well you do the math.  I'm too tired from doing laundry!

So basically my day consists of doing a load of laundry everyday so that I never have to pile up and be stuck on a saturday with 8 hours of wash going.  Oh....but wait! I haven't finished.  The DRYER. DmmmDmmmmDmmmmmm.....These dryer are water condensing.  Which means.  It is not hooked up to a pipe line.  Which means...when the dryer is taking out the water from the clothes it doesnt have a pipe to take it to a drain like in the states.  There is a thing called "the condenser" that is in the bottom of the dryer.  This Condenser is a tank with a cap that sits under the drum behind a nice little door.  During the drying the tank gets full. THEN the dryer sings you a song that means go and empty this shit! So you cant just throw stuff in the dryer and go.  Because in between every load it has to be emptied and it wont start up again until you do so. 

Are you starting to under the complexity it takes to live in the UK. Seriously....I wont even go into the phone service.....next time.  Because right now I have to spend my favorite nap time catching up on more LAUNDRY!

I'm BACK......

   and in England!  As I sit to write I check out my surroundings. Alconbury Air Force Base in the temporary housing quarters.  Do you remember those children books about Eloise, I think she lived at the Plaza or something.  Well this chick is living in the equivalent of a Best Western UK style. Its so "fabulous" that when  I tried to upload photos for you to see what I mean the wireless was annoyingly spotty.  The cable has 10 channels..all but 2 are AirForceNetwork which can NOT hold a signal.  The others are British  and not too bad.  At the moment I am snuggled up watching...wait for it...."Law and Order/ UK" Ha!  Its is NOT the same as our American classic, but MAYBE I could get used to it! maybe not.... So now I am going to jot down nonsense that needs to be shared...it has absolutely no point in life just fun "useless knowledge"
Here we go.....did you know?!?!

~Toilet flushers are buttons on the top of the toilet (shall we say the Lou), not a handle on the left side.
~All appliances have a power switch on the wall.  To turn on the oven I have to turn on the wall switch and then turn the oven to the correct temperature.  Same with the dishwasher, toaster, coffee pot.
~Hell... Law and Order/UK :) Strange in itself and missing Mariska!
~The fact that everyone sounds like they are a genius from Oxford....the voice on the man making my Subway sandwich made me believe he could be the next prime minister. "would you like cheese miss?"

~They have playgrounds in the pubs! I mean WHAT!?! Maybe we will never leave!
~If you go to good ole McDonald's (we have a 3year old. Give me a break!) order a Happy Meal and ask for a juice box..Apple!? Fruit Punch!? No...Blackberry Currant. Excuse me? We are Americans, we don't drink no currants...:)
~Another toilet one.  In the words of Gavin, "Man...that hole is WAY BIG!" No clogging that sucker

  As I finish my first week in the United Kingdom...not too bad.  When its not raining (which is rare) it is one of the most beautiful places to be....and when I get out of my fabulous 5 star accommodations I will do my best to post some pictures.  Until then...Cheers!

A new day...

  Its time.....time to announce that after a year of complaints, tears, lost voices and empty bottles of carpet cleaner.....Gavin Louis....my stud muffin of a little nugget is POTTY TRAINED.  Its an ending of an era...a book has closed.  We now have a little boy on our hands.  I can no longer say that I have two in diapers (and thank God for that!)

  Since Gavin is my first, I now sit and wonder what the next "challenge" of parenthood will be.  Will I be ready or will I have to go back to the bottle!?!  All in good time I guess.....

  So now I will be thankful that during this stressful time in my life (the move across the pond)  it will be full of m &m giving, sticker charts, and cute little Buzz Light Year tighty whiteys that make me SMILE.  Life is good!
  

Eat your veggies!

As a stay at home mom...or better yet, a domestic goddess (and yes I DO put that down when I fill out paper work) your life isn't so glamorous.  So when it does come time for fun glamorous things...like weddings, hubbies work events, or hell even a backyard bbq......I have to go all out!  Its like I am making up for the other 6 days of the week where I have no makeup on and I am still wearing my sundress from 3 days prior.

So with this big move I have learned that "summer" in the great UK is "fallish".   It tops off at a high 70 degrees and thats the hottest point.  So NOW I am trying to get all of us new fall clothes and nix the summer stuff...which means I am NOT ALLOWED (hub said that...can you believe I am actually listening) to get a new summer dress for an upcoming wedding this weekend.  The test of a REAL domestic goddess.....WHAT TO WEAR!

So I spent my morning going thru my closet.  Trying things on, mix and matching shoes, scarves, jewelry.  Exhausting. Of coarse I can't do any of this without my little stylist Gav.  He plays the perfect role of "the honest friend" He doesnt know fashion, but he notices when you have back fat.  So I narrow down to my #1 choice, it will do..... and then in the back of my closet.... I saw it...the dress I wore when the hub and I got engaged 6 years ago.  Its black, halter, flattering, and also a size 8.  I KNEW it wasnt going to fit, but I thought lets see if I can magically make a 12 turn into a single digit!

"Oh....Mommy.  You are growing big and strong!  You are too BIG for that dress! You are eating your vegetables and drinking your milk!"

At least my son is proud that his mom could be a line backer....And for the glamorous housewife.....there is always my LASHES!

Quickie

Gav comes to find me in the office..... quite direct (and loud) he states "HEY...you need to make MY LUNCH!.....NOW!"  I say, "Hey... wanna say that again so I can spank you!?" Gav reply's, "Umm...no thank you." as he quickly turns and walks away.

1 point for mommy against the terrible 3's!

Slacker.....

Lately I have been SOOO busy.  I have had more then enough to blog about, but I can't grace you with my stories until I start at the beginning. 

In the month of August this housewife is changing scenery.  I am packing up our belongings and our lives, and the little nuggets and I are following the hub to ENGLAND.  Now I'm pretty sure that everyone reading this is like, "Duh jami...you told us this already"  But I was hoping maybe, just maybe that someone other then my mother and best friends read this blog! Ha! But who am I kidding!

We will be in the UK for at least 3 years, 5 years max.  Basically this is an awesome thing for the hubbie and his career.  But its also a perfect way for us to feel free....ever since this first little Schmidty showed up (SURPRISE) I never felt like we had "closure" to our youth.   We were forced to grow up as much as we could at the time. And YES I do still think of myself as a 17 year old with a family.  Anyhoo, having this last adventure before truly settling down, popping out a few more kids, dealing with PTA,  field trips and living in picture perfect suburbia....this is greatly needed.  This is going to be a fabulous ending to another chapter in my life.  The chapter where I figure out where my life is actually headed.  I know I'm being a bit more "deep" then usual but this is exactly what the hub and I need to do.  Explore the world.....be spontaneous.....find more passion in life. My 20's will be over soon and I want them to go out with a bang....and they will!  And I hope you will follow me as I make my mark on the world! Ha!  Here we go!

A little poop never hurt anybody.....

  Here is our status....
There are no more diapers for 3 year olds. There are no more baby sized diapers for 3 year olds. There are MANY pull ups for 3 year olds, and when those run out....big boy pants here we come.  He has agreed to make the "big switch" once we are out of our security blankets...aka Toy Story Pull ups.

Another thing that is kinda hilarious to me, is that Mr. Gav has been training himself. And doing quite well actually.  As you may know, I gave up, threw in the towel, waved the white flag.  Basically my plan of attack is being supportive, acting like I don't care either way if he shits himself or not....BUT I have made the rule. "you do it, you clean it up!" So this way when he goes in the potty and sees how easy the "clean up" is hopefully he will get frustrated with the extra steps when he has the dreaded accident.

So, here is the yet another story.  Fathers day.  Its hot as hell outside. Trying to have quality family time we decided to go to Wal mart and buy inflatables....pools, slip-n-slides, and pool toys...maybe a beer or two. So as we all sit in the various inflatables of fun, looking rather trailer trash I might add, Gav starts acting funny.  Now realize he is wearing his swim trunks with nothing underneath.  I say, "do you have to go potty"  "NOOOOO!!!" followed by the funniest potty dance I have seen in a while. "do you have to poop!?" "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Of coarse his father on Fathers day wanted nothing to do with the situation.  I mean seriously, I spoil you all day and you cant help with THIS.  Should we recap on MY mothers day! Anyhoo, I'm getting off track.  So I take Gav and help him pull off his pants and tell him he can pee in the grass.  He says in an urgent manner, "Nooooo!!!  Poop is COMING!!!" So with his wet swim trunks at his ankles I grab him the most awkward way to keep the poop from falling out and run his little white behind into the house.  Then the norm, we sit, poops a little (sorry TMI) wash hands, flush and back out the door.
  Ahh...back in the pool, my beer is in my hand, soft breeze, not too bad for being in a foot of water in a kiddie pool.  "what is THAT!!!"  Our relaxed daddy found his karma.......I guess Gav didn't hold it as well as we thought. The kid had made a little "follow the yellow brick road" shit path! And guess who had to clean it up!  Not me!  Happy Fathers Day! (I told him it would be easier to just get the dogs pooper scooper!)

Really!?!

When I was a kid, and even now, I hear adults talking about missing, "that sweet baby smell".  The idea of that phrase makes sense to me.  The reality of that phrase is SOO untrue.  My baby Tilly smells of lavender and soap for 3 hours every OTHER day because she has had a bath.  For some reason the other 45hours in between cleanings she smells of a dirty washcloth....the weirdest part.... I always use a paper towel!?!? So whoever came up with this beloved phrase either 1.wanted kids and could never have any and is imagining that it is complete heaven (someone should fill them in) or 2. is a grandparent who gets to see their grandchildren on bath day! Lucky them.

I guess I shouldn't speak for EVERYONE, even though I like too. Maybe I'm just raising that "smelly girl in class" Sorry Til, but girl you STINK!

Cheers to me!

Today I got up early and went to the grocery store.  It was quiet, peaceful even.  There is something about going to the store and filling your cart with yummy, nutritious items. Sadly it always gives me a ginormous bill at the end....but it helps make my family happy and healthy! Ahhh....aren't I a sweet little thing!

SO...I get home and I unload the goodies that I had purchased.  I take the Gav man upstairs to get changed for the day, but lets be honest, it was more like putting him into a new pair of pj's.  We have no place to go!  Why the hell not!?!

 As he is sitting on his little potty squeezing a single drop of pee and begging to be done....I realized I didn't pick up any pull ups. CRAP! So I took this as a moment.  A moment to prove that I have NOT given up, I just took a break!  I WILL get this kid potty trained...I started to feel a wave of excitement, motivation if you will!  THIS WILL HAPPEN!  I have heard from many mothers that when faced with the "Oh NO!?!  We are out of diapers!  I guess we will just have to use the big kid pants!"  Most kids rise to the challenge.  So I say the same exact thing......what happened!?

My 3 and a half year old son is wearing his sisters 6month old pretty purple diaper!  I am so proud! I decided I will toast to the ridiculousness by spiking my coffee! CHEERS!