Am I back!?!?!

It has been since February.....I will not apologize because this mama is TIRED! I have been doing the mom thing, preggo thing, making friends thing, making the hubbie happy thing AND just trying to be plain Fabulous! Ha!
I WILL be more regular about posting soon.....which I can fill you in on why later......but for now....a sample....

The third little Schmidty nugget is located directly on my poor innocent bladder. I have to go the the toilet (see I sound British) a GAGILLION times a day. Literally on a extra special day, I can go thru a whole roll of good old TP by myself, I mean seriously. So picture a Saturday morning, kids still have the sleepys in their eyes, the hubs is making one of his famous breakfasts, and then there is me......"Holy poo....mommy has to to go pee! I'll be right back" as I am sprinting up the some of the MANY stairs in this ridiculous house.......whew, I made it...which doesn't always happen. I wash up and head back to the fam.....Gavin looks up at me, "Mommy....you lied, you didn't go pee."
"Uh, okay Gav, I beg to differ...why do you say that?"
"BECAUSE....you don't have a PENIS!"
"Well kid you got me there" Which THEN starts the early morning conversation about the land of vaginas. The worst part is that I feel like the hubs was taking more notes then Gavin......

Love is in the air......

 I had told little man that Valentines day was coming up.  I tried to explain the fun things I had planned for him and his adorable little sis. We are making cards for daddy, special crafts and a "special romantic" dinner for the family.  I told him Valentines is basically a holiday that someone made up to make a lot of money...BUT its a good reminder to tell the people you love how you feel about them.  To that you could see his mind churning...but then..... I think he got it. Which he will soon prove.

About an hour or two later the studly 4 year old was playing in our toy kitchen set.  Daddy was making dinner and over heard a "phone conversation". By the way....the TOY phone..... The little Casanova was talking to a GIRL!!! Not nana...not mimi.....his GIRL FRIEND. The hub asks...."Who you talking too? " "Oh....my girl friend" "Well whats her name?" (A side note he doesn't know ANY names from school except Toby.....who is the boy we hate because he punched my baby in the face!) So little man replies, "Girl that wears the blue shirt and the big bow in her hair" WHAT!?!?! If you know my son that description means she actually exists.  When the hub told me this I smiled and then started to get the sweats....you KNOW I will be stalking some little girls on the playground today! I need to see my sons first crush! 4...I cant believe it.  Well anyhoo, the hub looked at the clock and realized that the stud had "talked" to girl in blue shirt with bow for 10mins! That's a record! It must be serious! HA!

So bottom line.....love exists, even where we don't expect it too...Happy Valentines Day!

The things we go thru....

Its 9:00 at night......on a Saturday..... and I am in bed....watching reruns of Sex and the City......alone.  Want to know why?!? Because I have the worst case of pregnancy gas humanly possible. I mean I cant even describe the horror that is reeking from my body.  The hubbie sent me to my room because he couldnt take the smell anymore.....Hell...I can't take the smell anymore. Lucky for him he gets to get away from it.  Me!?! Nope....I get to sit here and suffer. 
Does anyone warn you about this when you want to "bring a miracle into the world"...Nope.  And I believe now there is a reason....I also believe that when my sweet baby girl grows up and finds herself wanting children (hopefully already married to a successful plastic surgeon....I can dream cant I!?!?!)  I will remember this moment...and all the other grotesque, revolting and embarrassing things that come with this miracle....and well....I probably wont say anything because I will be so bitter that I had to go threw it......AND I want my grand babies.....Damn, I'm just like the rest of them.

Life of a Hermit.....

I know its been forever since my last blog freak out! A lot of nothing has been going on.  We haven't been traveling, we haven't gone anywhere exciting for dinner,  hell....Gavin hasn't even been going to school.  We have been a bunch of sickies and NOW we are finally coming back to the land of the living.  I haven't even seen my American neighbor who lives 3 doors down.  We have turned into hermits....our most excitement that we have had was going grocery shopping and heading down to the local cafe for a latte. Woo Hoo. Hold me back, I am getting to exciting....

So my life has been not what I had expected so far living in the romantic country side of England, but its going to get there.  I will make it happen. But right now I am too busy planning on what night will be family game night and which is movie night. Its rough, but I have to get organized! Ahhh! Are you listening to me! I need an intervention...someone PLEASE help me be a cool chick again! Until that happens....this is all I got!
 Gavin stories.......

Over in England (especially where we live) food choices are lacking.  I do a LOT of cooking here because your options are...English food...BLECH, well I DO love a Fish and chips....Indian, Italian (which is only open 5 nights a week), or Chinese.  So a lot of times we go to China.  In the states there is a dish called sweet and sour chicken. I NEVER let myself get this dish because I was afraid of the yummy and completely fattening concoction of shitty pieces of chicken fried in tons of yummy batter dipped in horribly sweet red jello-ish sauce. Delish! 
Well over here they have the same thing but first they call them chicken BALLS. Reason...it is actually a big ball of chicken breast with a light coating of batter, still fried to perfection and then the sauce is still that lovely shade of red....but this time you dont taste sugar, but vinegar.  I actually looked up the nutrition and this English version, of the American version of something they probably dont even EAT in China.  And it has less sugar then in the states, like 10 grams....and thats just the sauce.  So I'm not saying its healthy, but its healthier....which means this is my excuse now to eat the stuff! Ha!  So now my family gets chicken BALLS on a monthly basis and it makes me happy.....now after all my blah blah blah....the quote for the day.

Gavin, "Mommy, when I get done with my balls, that means I can get a treat!?" Now in my mind I am thinking dirtier then a mother probably should, I give him a smirk, say nothing and just look at the hubbie. Then Gavin quickly informs me....."MOMMY, not my DIRTY balls....I meant my CHICKEN balls"

Great.....and I am still speechless......lets hope that 2011 will give me more to write about then my 4 year olds balls......until the next time!

Exhausted.

  The hubbie and I haven't gotten each other a Christmas gift since 2005. I don't know if its a way to save money or just be practical. Maybe because when there is something that we really need or want we go out and get it. Well anyway...this year is different.  We are in a new country and we will be having a small, simple Christmas. We thought it would be fun....and since we have everything we NEED we decided that they would be "luxurious" gifts. Just one, but a nice one.  Well I was going to add a little something extra just because I want to keep my wife of the year trophy....didnt you hear!?! I have been nominated for Best Wife and Mother of 2010!! Its awesome! And its a lie.....let me tell you WHY I SHOULD deserve such an award........(let the rant begin)

  It starts off on a bad note....my hubs famous Grandma Vi passed away this past Friday after a long fight with Alzheimer's.  Kyle wanted to go home for the services and take the little guy.  I said, "Of coarse" and honestly after the baby was when we flew over to the UK I was happy to dodge THAT bullet.  So I agreed to stay home with her.  Well, a couple of days before his flight said little boy started to have a cough. I was NOT going to let him fly to another country with a cold. No WAY! So I made the decision, yes...I will take one for the team and watch both kids....dont worry about us. Just go. Damn, I should have thought a bit more about THAT one.....

  I guess I should also state another fact that only my pose knows......this chick is pregnant....AGAIN! I cant believe that just came from my fingertips....let the reality hit. Ok.....also I have been nauseous almost every day and cant eat a lot of foods and cant look at a lot of foods.  So making my yummy home cooked meals has been damn near impossible. So there is another back drop to my week....

 And now I am getting tired, so hear it is in a nut shell......
*First night- Baby girl stayed awake, Big brother coughed all night
*First full day- Baby girl screamed all day long, Big Brother snotted all over my sofa
*Second night- Baby Girl had a high temperature, more screaming, Big Brother more coughing and climbed in bed with me! (Dont get the Preggo SICK!)
*Second day-Same stuff as above but add a popcorn kernel lodged up Big Brothers nose
*Third night-not bad...more sleep then before except the time I had to get up to watch Big Brother take a poo, guess he was lonely.
*Third day- (my favorite) sick baby girl....but add a full on choke that resulted in the Heimlich and a mom covered in barf....even in my freshly washed hair.
*Third night-even more sleep (starting to become a human again)
*Fourth day-During afternoon nap, baby decides to start screaming for no reason that I know of and wakes me and brother from our naps...which turns into brother throwing a tantrum so bad you would think some one was ripping off his limbs and beating him with them. Which then brought the devil out in yours truly and I am extremely surprised the police werent called.
Fourth night- kids almost perfect...but the hub calls....his flight has been CANCELED!!!!

So....back to my Christmas gift....you know...the luxurious one!?! I would LOVE to see what he comes up with....He could win Husband of the year to go with my Wife of the year!?!?!? OR this week could go unnoticed (like I would let THAT happen) and I could be like every other wife and mother that busts her ass and doesnt get any credit....well until your kids grow up and have kids...then they realize!

By the way....Thank you mom!! Love you! And for me.....its time for a nap!:)

No Biggie....

This is not life changing information...not like I EVER have life changing information...but, here in England when you go to the movie theater.  You walk in just like the states and buy your ticket. Then you smell the warm yumminess of the concession stand.  You walk over and if you are like me I MUST get a fatty buttery popcorn and a cherry pop. (and yes I said Pop, I'm from the mid west) You ask the sweet little teenie bopper behind the counter and she replies, "sweet or salt!?" To which I reply, "Beg your pardon...what are you referring too?" "The popcorn" Yup folks....no butter.  You can have your popcorn with either sugar on top or salt.  I chose salt, which was lovely, but NOT the same.  And as for my soda, pop, whatever.  They only have the basics....no Cherry Pepsi, no Mountain Dew....just Coke, Diet Coke, Fanta and 7 Up....which I went with the 7 Up..I mean come on, who still drinks that in the states!?!? Let me tell you, it deserves a come back! Yum! So there you go...more useless knowledge that I thought I would share! "discuss, discuss"

Well.....

Things are changing.....obviously I moved to another country. Everything is new and different....normally I would say that makes everything BETTER. And actually I DO mean that.  I am just in the mood to complain about the things that bug me...I have the right to do that. Lets not forget I AM an AMERCIAN!!! I feel like singing that song, "I'm proud to be an american...where at least I know I'm free..."
Anyhoo.....
Life here is very similar to the states, just a tad bit harder, more annoying if you will.  I've told you about the washer and "tumble" dryer....did you know that my dishwasher will also need special attention when the time comes.  I have to pour salt in it!?!? WHAT! Its a brand spank'n new modern machine. YUP! Oh...and I forgot to mention that my washer grows mold....I found that out the other day.  About once a month I have to pour this Tilex stuff into the washer and scrub it out. YUCK. So the machine I use to CLEAN things is growing mold and probably putting that mold somewhere on my childrens clothes. THEN lets talk construction.  Over here in England they had a real estate boom like we did. So new pretty homes went up, not as crazy as in the states...but you get my point.  My home is not even 2 years old.  It is beautiful, nice details, stone work, very fashionabley put together.  It has CRACKS! Big ones...it has "puckers" as they call it.  It looks like my ceiling has a slight case of acne.  The boards under my bed need to be renailed down. I may fall thru the floor one day.  The grout around all the tubs has lifted, I can see into the next room (ok, thats a lie, but are you feling me yet!?)...WHAT THE F ! In the states if you are paying what we are paying you would have all of that fixed before you would let someone even look at the place...I guess this stuff isnt important to them.  Let me tell you there are more things...ummm. Like the delivery man.  If you have something delivered to your house by the mail...you HAVE to sign for it.  If you dont or your neighbor wont!?! Kiss it goodbye.  They wont leave it by the door.  They HAVE to hand it to someone...I have no idea where it goes. Probably an office where you would have to pick it up, but seriously!?!? I miss a UPS man where they throw it on your porch as they are turning around walking back to that big brown truck!
Ok...I am feeling better. Basically its annoying. BUT then you have to respect a country where they dont sweat the small stuff.  If your dryer goes out...it doesnt bother them to not have it for 3 weeks. They think outside the box and get it done.  Not sit on the floor in front of it throwing a tantrum because I am over it....(maybe that is where Tilly is getting her tude!) So...moral of the story.  As Americans we are very lucky for a lot of things....even the silly, minuet, speckles of life. So go and thank your Maytag man....your 24 hour Wal-Mart.....and your "pimple free" ceilings!

A tribute to a Fabulous mimi!

As Gavin gets ready to turn 4 years old on the 22nd.  I look at what we have accomplished with him. And for everyone that knows us...the big deal is potty training.  Since we have crossed the big ocean we have had not one...even tiny and insignificant accident. And to celebrate I will tell you a story....a story of a little boy, his love for a shed, and the Fabulousness of Mimi!

The setting.  My parents farm in late August.  The little guy LOVES to go out and check on the machinery like its a pet.  Everyday he begged one of us to take him out there.  This day it was Mimi....

I had told her earlier that afternoon that someone hadn't used the bathroom in a while.  And when its time for a #2...watch out.  So before they head outside she makes him sit on the beloved potty for a while.  He sits, he pees....life is good. (I'm sure you are thinking, I know where shes going with this....ummmm. No you dont!) Mimi as always decides to multitask as she takes him out on his adventure.  Odd things like bringing old corn cobs out to throw in the field...stuff like that.  They head for the field and Gav starts dancing. Mimi, "Gav, do you have to go to the potty!?"  Gav, "Umm. No I just went.  But what if I have to poop!?" Mimi, "Well if that happens I guess you could poop outside!?" Gav, "I dont have to go..."  they proceed to the big shed to check out those tractors. Gav, "Mimi!?! What do I do if I have to poop?!" Mimi, "Gavin if you have to poop then lets go to the house....otherwise you are going to have to poop in this bucket!" (The bucket that had the corn cobs)
Gav, "No.  I cant poop in the bucket! I dont have to poop!" 
Wait for it.....wait for it.....Mimi said it was about 30seconds when...."MIMIIIIIIIII.......I HAVE TO POOP IN THAT BUCKET!!!!!!" So Mimi helped her grandson poop in a tiny little bucket in the middle of a huge shed.  Poor kid was so embarrassed he wouldn't even talk about it.  His only worry, "is papa going to be mad I pooped in his shed?!" Honestly I would have expected my little neat freak to be worried about the lack of toilet paper.  But then I realized, Mimi used a ratted up Kleenex to wipe.  Even as a child she would always have like 5 in her purse or pocket!  I guess those nasty things have saved the day more then once! 

So not much else needs to be said but....CHEERS to Mimi! Cause I guarantee I would have just let him crap his pants!

Give me a break.....

It has come to my attention recently that I am not keeping up with blogging demands. Here is the deal.  I had no idea that people (besides a select few) actually read this crap.  I had no idea that I had been missed.  Well this is what I have to say 1. I am truly sorry 2. Give me a freak'n break! I moved to another country for Christs sake and I'm trying to get adjusted to the chaos that has been thrown my way.  Geezey Petes!

And now....cross your fingers....back to the Blog!:)

The damn laundry...

Something that every desperate housewife hates is laundry.  I can say that because I think I am one of the few that liked doing.....notice the LIKED......in the states we have our fabulous energy star washer and dryers.  They come in all shapes and sizes....you can get one to match you favorite pair of red shoes or your Kitchen Aid mixer.  They have so many setting to choose from you feel like your at a candy store. They can do it all but bake a cake! Who wouldn't have fun...right!?!

Ok.  Now... I know that I have only had experience with one washer and dryer here in the great UK.  But my home here is only 2 years old and all of the appliances are nice and new, so I figure these sub par versions on the American classic are probably their standard.

Now here is my problem....and your British lesson for the day!  They are SMALL.  I'm talking when you throw in a load of whites (for me its my smallest and lightest load) your done.  The contraption is FULL. End of that story....what else can you do.  THEN if you do not pay attention, you will place the setting on "normal wash" or "eco 40" whatever that hell that means. I am not joking once you hit start with said Eco 40 it will take 2 hours and 30mins to WASH! Seriously, the hubbie ran out to another town to run 3 errands and when he walked in the door it had finally starting rinsing! I have learned to use the "mini" setting.  Does this mean that my clothes are not getting as clean!? Who knows! probably! And honestly I dont give a rats ass.  If we spent 150mins a load and we had 4 loads (which is normal).... well you do the math.  I'm too tired from doing laundry!

So basically my day consists of doing a load of laundry everyday so that I never have to pile up and be stuck on a saturday with 8 hours of wash going.  Oh....but wait! I haven't finished.  The DRYER. DmmmDmmmmDmmmmmm.....These dryer are water condensing.  Which means.  It is not hooked up to a pipe line.  Which means...when the dryer is taking out the water from the clothes it doesnt have a pipe to take it to a drain like in the states.  There is a thing called "the condenser" that is in the bottom of the dryer.  This Condenser is a tank with a cap that sits under the drum behind a nice little door.  During the drying the tank gets full. THEN the dryer sings you a song that means go and empty this shit! So you cant just throw stuff in the dryer and go.  Because in between every load it has to be emptied and it wont start up again until you do so. 

Are you starting to under the complexity it takes to live in the UK. Seriously....I wont even go into the phone service.....next time.  Because right now I have to spend my favorite nap time catching up on more LAUNDRY!